My 19 little puffballs???

Before we were married, my husband and I had a talk about family. I grew up with only one brother and always wished for more siblings, so I said that I would like to have 8 kids. My husband grew up as one of 8 siblings and thought it was craziness, so he said that he wanted to have 2 kids. Marriage, as we all know, is all about compromise. So, this is what we decided. I am having 8 kids (like I want) and he is having 2 kids (like he wants).

So, yes, we will have 10 kids!

All joking aside, when you have 3 children under the age of 3, it's a question people ask.... 'How may kids are you having???' People pry. People poke fun. People even throw out well-meaning hints about getting me contact info for rabbis who would approve of using birth control or reminding me 'you know how this happens, right?" Yes, I know how babies are made and maybe it will surprise you to know that I intended to make all three of mine.

And I guess we were "asking for it" when we gave or 3 little puffballs names that begin with the same letter, but I've gotten quite a few Duggar Family jokes. I like the Duggars.. they seem like good wholesome people who are happy with their lives. IMO, we should all make choices that enable us to be happy with our lives.

Should I reserve "my 19puffballs.blogspot.com" before anyone else snatches it up?

Here is the truth, I really don't know how many kids we are having. I don't think it's something that's know-able, or even guess-able until you are there. Most people have an idea in their mind about their ideal family, usually based on the family they grew up in and the other families in their community. To me, these kind of ideas are no better than a wild guess. You are not your mom. You are not your neighbor. You are not your rebbetzin. You are not Michelle Duggar. So, why decide that you want 'X' number of kids because that's what your mom or neighbor or rebbetzin had? Or even worse, because you read some lame article in a parenting magazine written by so-called parenting experts. I don't think there's ever a one-size-fits-all answer to the 'how many kids should I have?' question or even the 'how far apart should my kids be?' question. What is fine by one mom will send another mom to the looney-bin.

Also, I really like the old saying about making God laugh by telling Him your plans. My husband is a planner, I fly by the seat of my pants. He obsesses about his decisions, I know that some of my best decisions were made quickly and with intuition instead of facts, figures and pie-charts. So, no, I haven't decided how many kids is the ideal number for us. I dunno, I'll tell you when I get there. I have a number (and from that number, I can tell you how many boys and how many girls) but that's not based on any science, it's just something that I heard in my head as I was walking outside one day. Really really.

Don't we all know people who planned for 'x' number of children and got a surprise when baby x+1 was born despite their best efforts at contraception? Or people who wanted 'x' number of children, but stopped at x-2 because the last one was a little ball of craziness? I think it's better to make no plans, than to make plans and have life and fate and karma prove you wrong. IMO, the more someone thinks they can control their life, the more that God is going to throw a cosmic curveball. I would like to think that the Allmighty protects and helps those of us who have no idea what they're doing.... not because clueless people are on a higher spiritual level, but because we readily acknowledge that the good things in our lives don't come from our own proper prior planning and preparation. This is my own idea. If you've heard some high and holy rabbi say the same thing, please tell me.

Sometimes, I look at my 3 little puffballs and I am in awe. I am the first to say "I didn't cause that" when they do something amazing. I see my oldest being sooooo smart and figuring things out on his own. I see my middle child being soooo loving and sweet towards his siblings. I watch my two boys playing with eachother and having conversations in some jumbled mix of baby-talk and English/Hebrew/Yiddish. I see my little baby being soooo happy and smiley and content and beautiful. Did I mention how beautiful she is? She is the prettiest of the 3.

I really couldn't have imagined how my kids would have turned out, so I am not going to pretend that I know that I will be able to handle another child in some specific amount of time or that I will be able to adequately take care of a certain number of children. We'll see when we get there.

You know what's ironic? I recently bought the Duggar Family's new book and also a DVD of their show (because I've never seen it, since we don't have tv in our house)... but I've been too busy to watch the DVD and only read a few chapters of the book. I've been too busy with my kids. I think the Duggars would understand.