When should you have your next baby?

I always see women posting on message boards asking “When should I have another baby?”…because getting advice from anonymous internet friends is the best way to make decisions. That’s crazy! Having children is a big decision, not to be taken lightly. 

No, you shouldn’t ask your friends on a chat board! No, you shouldn’t set up a Facebook poll! You can use logic and reason to determine when you should have a baby… and yes, a little math. If you can quantify all the important factors in your decision, then you can calculate the ideal time to have your next child. We’re not cavemen, we have logic and reason on our side.

Take out a calendar right now. Mark down today’s date.

First thing, realize that pregnancy will cause you to gain weight. If you are overweight now, you will be heavier when you’re pregnant. As such, you should be at your ideal weight when you become pregnant. Determine how much weight you need to lose to be at your ideal weight and start dieting ASAP.

-         Take out the calendar and calculate one week for every pound you need to lose. Skip any weeks in which there are Jewish holidays, family events or vacations.

-         If you are sensitive about your appearance, estimate how long it will be until your youngest sibling gets married. The most stylish and elegant evening gown just won't look as perfect on a pregnant figure or a post-partum figure (and remember, all those photos will be framed on walls and sitting in albums for the rest of your life!)... so if you want to look perfect in the photos, wait until your youngest sibling is married before you try to conceive.

Next, realize that new babies need stuff. You should have enough money to buy all the nicest trendiest baby stuff before you become pregnant. You cannot skip this step if you already have a crib, stroller, carseat.. etc (when your older children were born) or from a sister-in-law or neighbour… you must have the new and fashionable version of everything or else your baby will suffer.

-         Calculate 6 months to save up money to buy the best and most trendy baby stuff.. If you live in a particularly affluent neighbourhood, calculate a year to copy Jennifer Lopez’s nursery and Victoria Beckham’s baby wardrobe.

-         If you will look shabby pushing a fancy stroller with a baby in designer clothes, then calculate an additional 6 months to save to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe, fancy sheitel and nice purse… so you’re not embarrassed,

-         If your older kids will look shabby compared to the baby and his/her fancy new stuff, calculate an additional 3 months per child to revamp their wardrobes.

-         If your husband will look shabby standing next to your trendy-looking kids, calculate an additional 6 months to re-stock his wardrobe and find him a good hairdresser.

If you have children, consider their needs too. Taking care of a baby will take your time and focus away from your older child (or children), so plan your pregnancy accordingly so that your children don’t feel slighted.

-         If your youngest is independent, wait until he or she is in nursery school to bring a baby into the house. (calculate two or three years)

-         If your youngest is a little clingy, wait until he or she is in elementary school to bring a baby into the house. (calculate five or six years)

-         If your youngest is a very clingy, wait until he or she is in high school or goes away for yeshiva to bring a baby into the house. (calculate 13 or 14 years)

-         If your youngest is extremely clingy, you cannot bring a new baby into the house until the youngest is out of the house and married.

Consider your work situation. Remember that you will get maternity leave when you have a baby… what can be better than getting free money for sitting at home taking care of your child?

-         If you are currently unemployed, find a job immediately and stay there long enough to qualify for maternity leave benefits. (this varies by country)

-         If you are working for peanuts, wait until you can secure a raise or maneuver into a better position

-         If you work for a start-up, listen for rumors of an IPO and don’t leave your job until after that happens. Calculate however much time you need  to wait until the over-hyped IPO goes through so you will be an insider and will know when to dump your company stock options.

-         If you are an entrepreneur or own your own business, wait until you have enough revenue to hire someone to do your job , while you’re having a baby and for the first few months afterward. If you cannot find someone with your special expertise and skills, wait until they have perfected human cloning... only have a child when you can create a clone of yourself to keep your business going.

Something else to think about is education. If your child does not have the optimal start in life, then the rest of their life is doomed to failure. Find out which is the ideal pre-school, nursery, elementary school...etc for your future child. Also, pick a college. Do not consider becoming pregnant until you have confirmed that the ideal schools have room and until your future child is accepted into their program.

Once you've made all the necessary calculations, you should be able to pinpoint when the ideal time to bring a child into this world. Congratulations! You are making your decision based on knowledge and preparation, while most women only base their decisions on hope or dreams or faith... and we all know that those things aren't infallible.