I always see women posting on message boards asking “When
should I have another baby?”…because getting advice from anonymous internet
friends is the best way to make decisions. That’s crazy! Having children is a
big decision, not to be taken lightly.
No, you shouldn’t ask your friends on a
chat board! No, you shouldn’t set up a Facebook poll! You can use logic and
reason to determine when you should have a baby… and yes, a little math. If you
can quantify all the important factors in your decision, then you can calculate
the ideal time to have your next child. We’re not cavemen, we have logic and
reason on our side.
Take out a calendar right now. Mark down today’s date.
First thing, realize that pregnancy will cause you to gain
weight. If you are overweight now, you will be heavier when you’re pregnant. As
such, you should be at your ideal weight when you become pregnant. Determine
how much weight you need to lose to be at your ideal weight and start dieting
ASAP.
-
Take out the calendar and calculate one week for every pound
you need to lose. Skip any weeks in which there are Jewish holidays, family
events or vacations.
- If you are sensitive about your appearance, estimate how long it will be until your youngest sibling gets married. The most stylish and elegant evening gown just won't look as perfect on a pregnant figure or a post-partum figure (and remember, all those photos will be framed on walls and sitting in albums for the rest of your life!)... so if you want to look perfect in the photos, wait until your youngest sibling is married before you try to conceive.
Next, realize that new babies need stuff. You should have
enough money to buy all the nicest trendiest baby stuff before you become pregnant.
You cannot skip this step if you already have a crib, stroller, carseat.. etc
(when your older children were born) or from a sister-in-law or neighbour… you
must have the new and fashionable version of everything or else
your baby will suffer.
-
Calculate 6 months to save up money to buy the best and most
trendy baby stuff.. If you live in a particularly affluent neighbourhood,
calculate a year to copy Jennifer Lopez’s nursery and Victoria Beckham’s baby
wardrobe.
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If you will look shabby pushing a fancy stroller with a baby
in designer clothes, then calculate an additional 6 months to save to buy
yourself a whole new wardrobe, fancy sheitel and nice purse… so you’re not
embarrassed,
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If your older kids will look shabby compared to the baby and
his/her fancy new stuff, calculate an additional 3 months per child to revamp
their wardrobes.
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If your husband will look shabby standing next to your
trendy-looking kids, calculate an additional 6 months to re-stock his wardrobe
and find him a good hairdresser.
If you have children, consider their needs too. Taking care
of a baby will take your time and focus away from your older child (or
children), so plan your pregnancy accordingly so that your children don’t feel
slighted.
-
If your youngest is independent, wait until he or she is in
nursery school to bring a baby into the house. (calculate two or three years)
-
If your youngest is a little clingy, wait until he or she is
in elementary school to bring a baby into the house. (calculate five or six
years)
-
If your youngest is a very clingy, wait until he or she is in
high school or goes away for yeshiva to bring a baby into the house. (calculate
13 or 14 years)
-
If your youngest is extremely clingy, you cannot bring a new
baby into the house until the youngest is out of the house and married.
Consider your work situation. Remember that you will get
maternity leave when you have a baby… what can be better than getting free
money for sitting at home taking care of your child?
-
If you are currently unemployed, find a job immediately and
stay there long enough to qualify for maternity leave benefits. (this varies by
country)
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If you are working for peanuts, wait until you can secure a
raise or maneuver into a better position
-
If you work for a start-up, listen for rumors of an IPO and
don’t leave your job until after that happens. Calculate however much time you
need to wait until the over-hyped IPO
goes through so you will be an insider and will know when to dump your company
stock options.
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If you are an entrepreneur or own your own business, wait
until you have enough revenue to hire someone to do your job , while
you’re having a baby and for the first few months afterward. If you cannot find someone with your special expertise and skills, wait until they have perfected human cloning... only have a child when you can create a clone of yourself to keep your business going.
Something else to think about is education. If your child does not have the optimal start in life, then the rest of their life is doomed to failure. Find out which is the ideal pre-school, nursery, elementary school...etc for your future child. Also, pick a college. Do not consider becoming pregnant until you have confirmed that the ideal schools have room and until your future child is accepted into their program.
Once you've made all the necessary calculations, you should be able to pinpoint when the ideal time to bring a child into this world. Congratulations! You are making your decision based on knowledge and preparation, while most women only base their decisions on hope or dreams or faith... and we all know that those things aren't infallible.
